Had a hiccup on flight before we took off. Demon children behind me. Crazy toddlers with their mom from a flight from China.
Cola was the ultimate best dog. She will never ever be duplicated & I know in my saddest moments - Cali unfortunately doesn't get it. I wish for Cola every day of my life. I was so sad and LONELY this weekend, & as I cried in bed - I just wanted my Cola dog with me. She knows when I need love - but Cali is scared when I cry. I don't have that one being that will actually cuddle with me when I need them most anymore.
It sucks.
Also being alone sucks. I can see how people condition to it though and actually enjoy it - BUT when you're married and come home for a 2-day weekend....you don't expect your husband to run off with his friends as his absolutely necessary task. I don't at least. Jeff just doesn't want to spend time withe anymore. If anyone out there says that they don't know what a broken heart feels like....let me tell you. You can feel it. It hurts. You can actually feel the heaviness in your chest of the emotional hurt. It literally takes a gasp away from your lungs. I have felt it a lot as a teenager and as a single person. I didn't realize that I would feel it this much as a married person.
Another issue I have right now is the company I work for. They sent me on a helicopter ride in September to be a guinea pig and see if the ride was worth it. I saw myself as just a guinea pig. I also saw the opportunity as a safety-proof visit so the surgical specialists that they send down there are SAFE. Well - Ivantis sends me off to Tijiana every couple of mos, and they don't give a flying fuck about my safety do they. All they want is the data.
I am going on this business trip today to collect mandatory Hydrus 3 data for a cut next month. Today I found out that they are sending the research coordinator from our largest enrolling site - to New Orleans for a conference as a gift!!!! She is supposed to completely queries and spend those 2 days with ME. That is 2 days of my life that I will be wasting because she has gone and double-booked herself to accept the free trip.
Nothing is making me happy right now. I don't even know why I do what I do - and why I even bother try to hang on to anything.
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