Restless

I don't know why I have been so restless & short tempered lately. Perhaps due to lack of sleep - who knows. I have had a lot on my mind lately. Work is nuts. I'm home alone most of the time lately - so I try to decompress by cleaning house. I am also eating poorly again. Chocolate Bars & Popcorn for dinner again tonight. I need an intervention with some fruit & veggies.

My mind is going a mile a minute - I think about everything and anything. My emotions are hightened & I really just want to be alone at night anyway. I haven't watched TV in about 2 weeks - which is good I guess!

I am starting to stress about the drive back home to Vancouver next month. We are driving home. Leaving SoCal on Dec 22. I don't want Jeff to worry. There are a couple of reasons why we are driving.

1) The cost. It will be about $1,500 cheaper to drive than to fly & kennel the dogs.
2) If she makes it - it will be Cola's last Christmas and she LOVES to go home as much as I do. I want to do this for her too. (Cali will love the snow I hope).

Some of you that know me - know that I have had horrible experiences involving MVAs. I've been in more than my share of crashes, (at zero fault). I am one of the most paranoid passengers that you could imagine being stuck with. I actually feel more comfortable driving - even though I have the white knuckle grip on the wheel at all times.

It doesn't help that while I am a passenger; I have horrible visions of accidents involving the cars I am around on the highway or street alongside me. (Have you ever seen the second "Final Destination" - very similar to that).

I think I know why I have those paranoia visions. Back in 2002 when I saw the fatal car crash happen in front of me - I screamed as the idiot ripped passed me "You're going to eff'n kill someone!!" Sure enough - she did - right then and there as I was driving up to the intersection.

Well - now that the drive to Vancouver is coming up - I have been having some horrible dreams that are too real! My dreams are really messed up sometimes.

Here's an example:
The other night while camping - I had a dream that Jeff, my dad, Kathy, my mom, Rick, Katie; and my friends Dawna, Greg were all going to go on a cruise together. I had to stay home - but wanted to wish them all farewell at the cruise terminal.

We all had a house party as they packed up there suitcases; and I told Jeff that I loved him and that I'd catch a ride with Dawna & Greg to the cruise ship terminal to say bye.

I was in Dawna's car as a passenger and as we were driving through a tunnel I noticed a car coming towards us in our lane. It passed us by as we swerved out of the way - but then another and another car kept coming in various lanes. It was like a terrifying game of frogger.

I tried to get on my cell phone to warn Jeff as he was a few minutes behind us. My cellphone numbers had all fallen out of the sockets; so I had to press them back into place as Greg was driving & dodging the other cars that were coming at us.

I eventually got the numbers back in my cellphone and called Jeff - I could hear a click to the call then a SCREECH and CRASH with silence & hissing.

I started screaming and by this time Greg was stopped at a red light in traffic when about 6 cars started driving towards us and ended up driving on the tops of the cars in front of us. I woke up just as our car got flattened - yelling.

My entire life - my mom tells me that I really need to log my dreams - they are so clear to me - I remember most of the details. It's amazing how my mind works - I wish I would have more good dreams than bad dreams.

RIP Maggie - poor baby girl.