~ who am i? ~

Tonight when I was driving home I happened to look to the right of me; and saw a Venue of Turkey Vultures feeding on a carcass of some sort in a shallow ravine. There were about 6 of them on the ground and I had my SLR camera next to me on the seat. Unfortunately- the road I was on was heavily populated and I could not pull over. It was amazing to see if only for an instant.

As I drove away - I was really wishing that this happened more often. I want to be able to pullover and take photos anytime I want. I want more opportunities where I could say "yeah - I've seen that!".

I'm a nature girl - always have been - always will be. I prefer trees, smells and changes in weather more than cement, traffic lights and lead footed people.

I have been blessed in my life by pets that have come to me by chance or by luck. I do not know if I'll ever be a mom - but for now my heart goes to Jeff, Cola, Sandy, Simon, Cali - and yes even Felix.

I don't fit in too much with most people - but the ones that I do fit in with - I love. I am so lucky that the friends that I've made; are lifers. I care about them and they care about me. I want my friends to know that I would do anything for them. If I feel that someone mocking me or taking advantage of me - I shut down from the hurt.

I don't enjoy being around people where I can't be myself. People can accept me for who I am - most of my interest lies in that of my family & friends, animals of all sorts, my adventures in photography, travel destinations; and rolls right back into my family & friends.

I can be a loner; and have moments of extreme happiness and moments of immense sadness or grief that explode usually when I am alone. I reminisce or dwell on moments from my past that I would either prefer to forget - or wish to remember forever. I am learning to drop the "I shoulda'; coulda' woulda's" from my vocabulary. I don't want to live my life with regrets or second guesses.

I love my husband even on days when we can't even look at each other. I love the life that I have created with him.

When I was 18yrs old - just graduating high school; I thought I'd be married by 24, (well I did get married when I was 24 - just not to the right person), and have 2 kids by 30. I would have lived up in the Interior of BC - or maybe on the Island or down in the Lower Mainland or even Squamish; and I would have owned a house on some property with a big log wooden fence around it. Dogs would be loose, cats would be hanging around and my horse would be grazing in front of my porch.

Do I wish I had that?! Of course I do!

I am still on my path there though. That's the thing...it's never going to leave my dreams - It's just taking longer to get there. I need to stop thinking about my life timeline and just keep enjoying it with the heartbeats I share my life with.

I do not want to die until I am done & ready. I still hope to say "I've seen that" many more times to come.