On Friday - I took a sick day - left home at 645am and drove to Arizona - Lake Havasu.
I spent the weekend with my 2 dogs, Jeff's mom and Sue. It was such a blast!! I got to teach Cali how to swim - Cola got ssso ssoo sick that I really thought she was going to die. I was breaking down - but then she started to feel better.
I don't blog about my feelings very often - but for the past 51 days - I have not been myself. I had 2 emotional events hit me in 2 days and I have been just completely broken-hearted since then.
While I was on a day off with my brother at Knotts' Berry Farm and Soak City - I got a text message from a co-worker that said that my supervisors were slamming my character and not to trust them. They had gotten on my blog and they were insulting my life - out loud in the office and saying that I wrote about really stupid things - mostly pertaining to my pets and hobbies.
These are girls that I trust and they do nothing but compliment me on any little thing - from what I wear - to how 'nice' and 'sweet' I am. I changed my blog address that day. I don't like two-faced liars that pretend to like you and really only want to hurt you.
The following day - I received an email from Teresa. She's been my friend since 1989 - that's 19years of friendship. She all of a sudden blew up at me - for whatever reason; and shattered my heart. I do not know what I did wrong. We had a little tiff while I was up there in May - and I still have a text message that she sent me on my last day in town that says, "You mean the world to me - I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way". Anyway - her words in that novel length email hurt me so badly that I cried and cried and cried - uncontrollably to Jeff - to my mom - and to some of my other friends. Everyone had the same advice and told me to just let her be. Don't reply back - just let her cool off; and let her come back when she's ready.
Teresa has since 'deleted' me from her life - I don't know why. I am still so hurt from her that I am not going to reach out to her. She's the one that pushed me down and deleted me - I would never do that - not to anyone; unless they severely hurt me.
Today - while at work - I got pulled aside for a lunch meeting and was told that I need to start looking for a new job. They are going to help me vamp up my resume; but I need to take care of my best interests. The company I work for is not going so well.
I'm sad - I'm depressed - I don't know where to go now. I don't know what I want to do. I'm broke and I feel like I'm in one of the biggest ruts that I've ever found myself to be in.
I think what I really need right now - is a lotto win. Oh - the day dreaming that I could do with one of those!!!
I'm going to sign off now - I really needed to vent...it kinda' feels better - but that's temporary. Michele has invited me over for a hug & a glass of wine - so I'm going to go for a quick visit and cheer up.
5 comments:
Christy - I am sending you a big hug! Hang it there... things will turn around :-)
It's hard to be away from your friends and family but look on the bright side... sun, sand and beaches all year round! California can't be all that bad :-)
Jeff - Give Christy lots of big hugs!
Yes I second everything Tammy just said!!
You are a very good person and good things happen to good people so you just wait and your dreams will come true!!
Miss you tons!!!
Rhondaroo :)
Thank you very much!
Hey sweety! Things happen for a reason and you have a lot of love around you so chin up. It's all going to be alright. xoxo
Yah... so backstabbers sure suck! I am sorry that you are going through all of this right now. I didn't realize when you were talking about getting a new job that this is why. LAME!
I think that this is one of the biggest hurts a person can face-- when you trust someone (or someones!) and they just take a knife to your soul without explaination. It is like getting the wind knocked out of you or having your feet swept out from under you. It destroys a piece of hope you had in people and puts you on your guard. Plain and simple-- it sucks.
So.. know that I am praying for you my friend! All things will come in time. If you do not get a job quickly, maybe that is God prompting you to confront and find out what the underlying reason for the decimating of your character.
And as for your friend, she must have some other hurt that has caused her to react in this way. I guess all you can do now is pray for her. Over the last year I have really been trying to practice that-- to pray for those who have hurt me.. even for trivial things. It has really helped in my healing and my feelings towards them.
Anyhoo... just some thoughts!
Blessings to you!
Tara
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