Montréal-Toronto

I am currently on my way to Montréal from Santa Ana - via Chicago. 

Had a hiccup on flight before we took off. Demon children behind me.  Crazy toddlers with their mom from a flight from China. 

Cola was the ultimate best dog. She will never ever be duplicated & I know in my saddest moments - Cali unfortunately doesn't get it.  I wish for Cola every day of my life.  I was so sad and LONELY this weekend, & as I cried in bed - I just wanted my Cola dog with me. She knows when I need love - but Cali is scared when I cry. I don't have that one being that will actually cuddle with me when I need them most anymore. 

It sucks. 

Also being alone sucks. I can see how people condition to it though and actually enjoy it - BUT when you're married and come home for a 2-day weekend....you don't expect your husband to run off with his friends as his absolutely necessary task. I don't at least. Jeff just doesn't want to spend time withe anymore. If anyone out there says that they don't know what a broken heart feels like....let me tell you. You can feel it. It hurts. You can actually feel the heaviness in your chest of the emotional hurt. It literally takes a gasp away from your lungs.  I have felt it a lot as a teenager and as a single person. I didn't realize that I would feel it this much as a married person. 

Another issue I have right now is the company I work for. They sent me on a helicopter ride in September to be a guinea pig and see if the ride was worth it. I saw myself as just a guinea pig. I also saw the opportunity as a safety-proof visit so the surgical specialists that they send down there are SAFE. Well - Ivantis sends me off to Tijiana every couple of mos, and they don't give a flying fuck about my safety do they. All they want is the data. 

I am going on this business trip today to collect mandatory Hydrus 3 data for a cut next month. Today I found out that they are sending the research coordinator from our largest enrolling site - to New Orleans for a conference as a gift!!!!  She is supposed to completely queries and spend those 2 days with ME. That is 2 days of my life that I will be wasting because she has gone and double-booked herself to accept the free trip. 

Nothing is making me happy right now. I don't even know why I do what I do - and why I even bother try to hang on to anything. 

Santiago, Chile

I am so done traveling for work these days. I miss my hubby and my pets. 

November - I travelled 5-8, then 11-19 & finally 23-36. In those dates, I'll ride16 planes. 

I will hopefully not get sick from some passenger. It usually happens though. 

This current trip - I am coming back from Santiago, Chile. My 6th trip. I don't like to travel there. This time my boss went with me. Paul is a grumpy person, but traveling with him was better than being alone. He took me around the parts of Santiago he knew. 

PTSD

Okay I'm just frustrated I just don't even know where to start I am stressed out.  My job is very stressful AND I'm scared to drive.

I don't know why but I've been having nightmares about car accidents and I wake up from them and I am freaking out. I am paranoid that I'm going to be in a really bad car accident soon. I see them happening in my mind.

I just can't stop not thinking about the day that I saw that family killed and looking in my rearview mirror and seeing my dog Cola. She was there for me.  I miss her and  wish she was with me still.

I know that I feel safer in my car when I have a dog with me and I think that's because I'm trying to keep calm for that dog. Now it's Cali, and now I'm grateful that she's allowed to go with me on road trips. Nobody knows just how freaked out I am and it's actually scary because my fear is probably going to make me get in a car accident. I'm going to over-correct or I'm going to avoid something. I don't know - just i'm scared.

I don't know what's going happen. I wish I was normal I wish I could trust myself to drive somewhere. I wish I could trust myself being a passenger in somebody's car. I am a freak on the road and my husband won't go on a road trip with me because he doesn't want to hear my backseat driving so to speak but I don't know how to cope. I don't know what to do - I'm terrified. 

17d diet

Well - I've decided to start the 17-day diet plan again. Fun fun. 

It's been a full 24-hrs and I have only strayed once. Twice. I had kettle corn and peanut M&Ms in that time. 

Let's see how much weight I lose. 

I will be traveling the month of November. Completely not looking forward to it. I hate traveling. I am alone. It sucks. People get me sick. 

My endometriosis is coming back with a vengeance. The pain I have for 2w out of the month is so painful. I just don't know what to do anymore. I guess wait it out until I end up in the ER on a regular basis. 

Cali had her 2nd cruciate TTA done on June 3, 2013. She then had her same leg cartilage trimmed up as she tore it - Oct 1.  :-(. She has put me in such debt. I am now living off a credit card again. Bad girl. 

Sandy is failing. He has diarrhea every day. He has lost weight. He is spunky though. 

Simon is fat. He eats some of Sandy's food, so the chub has taken over. 

I miss Cola so bad. Her 14th birthday was a week ago. 4d after, the guy who had Cola's mom, facebooked me.  It was sad. I had to explain how wonderful she was and how painful it has been. I cried in a parking lot that morning. Cali was with me. 

Story of my life

I just wasn't meant to be a mom. So many idiots out there can get pregnant on accident, give birth - and keep a child they don't care for....and I am apparently unfit to be a mom in Mother Nature's and / or Gods' eyes.  Yeah I just watched a marathon of Honey Boo Boo - so watch out. 

This is just an unfair set up - and I am pretty pissed off about it still, because this time - I really hoped that this wasn't the result I keep getting each time.  When my body fucks with my mind - gives me symptoms to make me think I am pregnant.  What am I even on this earth for anyway?  To care for animals my whole life - and make my husband bitter, because he will never be a dad?!  

What a catch. 

Feral Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SbbtxuMiF4


~ Christy Howell

Santiago part deux

I am back on my way again. Here is my trip journal:

Saturday, July 28 10:45pm - I am in the back of a Towne Car being driven by a man named Sal...he looks like Seal's twin.

11:45-midnight. Made it to LAX & to my gate by 12:10am. This gate is so crowded!!! I am in row 25 & wish I would get a row to myself. :-(. Doesn't look good!

Sun, 9:25am PST/11:25am panama time: this city is so muggy and uncomfortable. I look forward to winter-like temps. I don't speak any Spanish so it's hard to get along by myself. I slept completely on last flight - and will probably do the same on this also - extremely crowded flight. I am so tired.

Sunday, July 29, 6:15pm PST/9:15: in my room!!! Now I am getting ready to meet Brandon, Dr Juan Mura, Dr Ike Ahmed & Dr Hady Saheb for some appy's & drinks. I am soooo tired!!!

Monday, July 30, 7:21pm PST/10:22pm
I am tired. This morning I woke up at 645am so I could meet the guys at 7:30. We went right to FOLA & I watched my first work-involved presentation by Dr Ahmed. It was pretty cool! (going back to last night, these guys are a lot of fun to hang out with...I truly miss hanging out with Canadians).

We started surgery at about 10am and it went to about 3. There were 8 patients that had IOL surgery and our implant. Way cool.

Lunch consisted of a 4-course meal. Holy mackerel....amazing. Apparently they do this every day!

Brandon left with Ike & Hady, so I was alone for the rest of the day. I monitored docs and collected copies. The FOLA team is great - and very eager. I like them.

Tomorrow, I'll go back & monitor at 2pm until whenever. Then come back to hotel to sleep - then fly home!! My flight is at 2:45am Weds.

I miss my Cali so much. This has been the most difficult 24 days of my life. I can't even think about it right now, so I am going to shut up about it.

Chile is fun. I love the food here. Jeff would really appreciate it. If anyone is looking into a culinary tour - come here. I just had the BEST Bruschetta I have ever had, AND it was just 2 pieces.

Here is menu description: bruschetta de queso de cabra, tomates, secos y dressing de aceitunas. HOLY CROW - delish!!!

Cali Update

Post Op Phonecall:
Cali recovering well. Complete tear of ligament and meniscus.

10pm update;
She's doing ok, but freaked out when the male cleaning crew came in. They had to put her in a room and close the door - turn off the lights.

My poor puppy!!! Having flashbacks on her drugs!

Cali's Cruciate

Tomorrow, Cali goes in for Cruciate Surgery. I am scared for her. The plate she is getting is pictured below. In the photo of the two tibia's:

Top: this is the one Cola has.
Bottom: this is the one Cali will have.

Cali's is much thinner, and it doesn't cut transversally across the head of her tibia, so her body weight can still use the leg. Ugh!!!

Tonight, I booked Cola in for euthanasia for Saturday, (providing Dr Sylvia can come do it), and also I have emailed the crematorium in Lake Elsinore asking if I could drop her off.

This week, I am going to stamp her pad on paper - get a good one. I am just so sad. I sobbed on her tonight. I don't want her to die. I am so sad. She trusts me completely. I feel horrible. I hate myself for having to do this.

Santiago, Chile

On Monday, June 25 after work I began to prepare myself for a whirlwind trip: Destination Santiago, Chile for a 4-hour meeting on Weds, June 27. I was kind of excited - I had never been to South America before.

My boss had arranged a driver to come pick me up at 10:30 pm, we got to LAX & everything was closed! No shops, diners - anything!!

Brett had booked us Business Class seats - AMAZING!!!! They pull out all the stops in business class! Our first flight took off at about 2am, and it's been a blur since. It took about 19hours door-to-door.

When we got to the hotel, (the same one my mom & Rick stayed in), Brett said we had dinner plans to meet with Dr Mura at 9:00 pm.

We quickly refreshed and went down to the lobby to wait. I do have to admit - after Napa, I love the white wines! I had a most amazing chicken dinner. Nearly to die for actually. We were downstairs at the restaurant until after midnight.....ZONKED!!

Slept like a baby until 9am & awoke with the most severe calf cramp and right arm pain. Luckily I have brought my pain control that Urgent Care gave me last week after the Napa trip.

Brett & I wandered the local streets and I was prepared to see a lot of homeless-uncared for dogs. I saw just one curled up, an intact Dobie X. He looked well-fed. I did also notice a few people walking their dogs on-leash....so I am hoping that the city in general is dog-friendly, and they keep the strays safe & well-cared for.

We took a cab to the site and it was a nice meeting. It was a site initiation visit - meaning we had to present the Protocol to those involved for their prep to start a trial with our company. Both Brett & I presented. It was my first time.

After the meeting, we went back to hotel, changed & went out again, (this was last night). We went to the W hotel & had the most amazing steak...fries and also - cut up avocado with drizzled EVOO & Balsamic - holy hell - it was all delicious! I had a white wine glass, BT had a bottle of red.

We then went back to the hotel & crashed for about 2-hours. WOKE up and now is the journey home. It's going to take 26-hours door to door. I am currently on my 2nd flight after spending 9 hours in a layover at Panama City Airport.

Business class rocks. I am ready to have my dinner, drink my wine - then crash. We land at LAX at midnight, then my driver should have me home by 2am.

...back to the office tomorrow-yuck!!!

1:34am, Friday, June ?....I am home.

Photos & Pets

Hola - what's with the new Google Chrome and Blogger partnership?  It's slightly confusing and I was really worried that my blogs were going to be lost forever.

I did a photoshoot a week ago for a friends' Boxer Rescue group.  I've been diving back in - going to club meetings and mentor meetings.  Working on marketing myself via my website - and a new website - as well as Facebook.

Check these out:
www.chowellphotography.com  (this is not staying - I will be moving my web address to another site).
Facebook:  Christy Howell Photography
www.sachianimalrescue.com

My next steps:
Register my name
Get a seller's permit
A bank acct
Insurance

At the same time - I need to finish revamping my website - and pricing.  Make postcards and business cards.  I have an idea for my Homeless Pet Photography aspect of it - Felix is going to play a role.

Recap:
Cola is still with me - her time is coming very close.  I took her to a new Vet - a lady in Lake Forest; whom Charlotte referred me to.  I had a free exam - and wanted her opinion.  Cola has some more time - but not a lot.  She's still on Rimadyl & Tramadol - will be on them for the rest of her time.  I can no longer afford to have my housecall vet come do her euthanasia.  My plans are to take her to Dr. Byers in Lake Forest for a euthanasia.  I will then drive her to the Pet Cemetary and drop her off for a private cremation.  It's what I did for my other pets; and I'd rather drive her anyway.

Cali is also still with me.  I took her to work with me on Saturday, (been a busy week), then I took her to the low-cost vaccine clinic at the same veterinary clinic.  While she was at the office - she was terrified. She was so uneasy about meeting new people - I was very worried.  She was freaked out at the Veterinary Clinic - but eventually warmed up.  I am worried that she has a partial tear in her right ACL...ether that - or hip dysplasia.  I have an estimate for a non-anesthetic dental; and another for xrays...it all adds up.

Sandy is healthy - as healthy as expected.  His next scheduled vet visit is in June.  He has kidney disease.  He is only eating Fancy Feast these days....of course the most expensive brand - The Florentine Collection.  He goes in to get a "Sanitary Cut" every 2mos or so....they shave his back end so he doesn't get all gross - with mats and tangles and clumps of litter.

Simon - is going to the vet next.  He's also been neglected for about 5yrs.  He needs an exam - although healthy.  I just need to pick up the responsibility for my critters.  I feel bad that I let Sandy go for so long - when his Hyperthyroid could have been caught years ago.

Tonight - the CEO of my company emailed me to let me know he declares the rest of the week "Bring your dog to work week"...how cool is that?  I may take Cola tomorrow.  She'd like that.  We're moving out of our offices this week anyway.

Jeff is in Vancouver for the week - I hate that.  I have been looking into possibilities and procedures on how to move back home.  I really can't leave my job right now - I am hopeful that I have a great future with them, even though I can't afford to put any savings away.

Alone

I am so lonely. Physically...emotionally. It's toxic

17

I was in a car accident when I was 18yrs old. It changed me; and NOBODY gets it.

I hate how terrified I am in a car, but nobody cares to understand.

Half of my life: being controlled by fear absolutely sucks:

Theres an app for that...

I have the Blogger App! I can now post from my phone!

There are so many fun apps you can get with an iPhone. I have tons of photography ones, travel aids, language apps...shopping apps. FUN!

Anyway. Not much else to say. Looking forward to a fun weekend. Tomorrow I am going to a photography event with a neighbour. A Mentor Program so that others can help others start up their photography business. Today I put together my portfolio in an 11"x14" album. I def want to stick with pet portraiture, so that's all I haw in there.

Have a great weekend!

Unemployed

January 3, 2012: Jeff lost his job.

Precision showed just how classy they are and asked him to meet for a meeting at a local Starbucks. When Jeff got there, the HR rep and his Sales Manager handed him a final cheque and said they were eliminating his position. Sayanora!! That's IT!!!

What dirty dogs they are. They even made him work between Christmas & New Years without any indication!

His coward, hypocrite, 'self-called' Christian, CEO, who tearfully BEGGED Jeff to come back to them 8m ago was nowhere to be seen or heard from. What a coward!

Anyway - life is stressful as hell right now. Who knows what the future will hold. For now, I have a house-husband and a clean house.

Wow - Blogger has changed!!!

My mom has requested that I write another post so that she doesn't have to keep looking at the goofy people in the photo on the last post. 

I'll have to write another post actually - but not right now.  This new format will take some time getting used to!  :-)

Hipstaprints.



"Feral" Foster Kittens were adopted last week!

 I'm really trying to blog more - I want a photosharing app - I may start using Tumbler...does anyone have any suggestions for any others?  I used DropBox and that's kind of cool - I just can't caption my photos in there.

Anyway - I've captioned some of these photos - so you can see my last week of adventure.  It's been a tiring week.

This week coming up will be a short one - it's American Thanksgiving on Thursday - so I have Thurs and Fri off - as well as my normal weekend.

My brother and nephew may come visit me this week. I hope they do - it will be nice to have something to do over American Thanksgiving. Last year was a dud as I had pneumonia. This year - Jeff has made his own plans to go out to his Aunts' in Murietta.

Nov 17:  Flight from LAX to Montréal

A little wine for the flight.

This is Miluaukee, (sp?)

My co-worker Eric - I was his "mentee" and shadowing him.

Today - RSM Lake - overcast beautiful

 Poor Cola is not doing very well.  I had the vet come to the house on Tuesday, (she's a great vet), and I have more pain control for Cola.  When I came home from my trip yesterday; she was holding up her one leg that I had her cruciate surgery on.  She's in pain.  Her muscles are virtually non-existant; so she can't afford to be lame.  She needs all 4 legs to support her body.

The woods at the lake

I love my iPhone!

Google Translate App - I used this on my trip to Montréal

Cal looking beau-tiful

Cali is really good.  Her walk today wore her out.  We lapped the lake twice.  She met other dogs and a few other people.  I talked to another couple - they have a box turtle as a pet  - they just leave it in their backyard.  When I worked at the shelter -we would get a lot of little turtles coming in; I may look into one and the care that pertains to one in the Spring.  They're all hibernating at this time of year.

11/11/11 11:11

Funky photos



I have ZERO idea how to format pictures on this blog.  I am trying to stack them nicely - but it won't let me...they're going to be scattered allover the place I think.  

Anyway - I just took all the photos off my iPhone and wanted to share some for those that aren't on Facebook. 

Dee and Dennis - two feral fosters

Our new Offices!!  My cube is behind Bri's

Simon and the Double-D fosters.



My birthday weeend with friends.



This is Cola - the day I chose her in November 1999.

Barb & I at the biker bar with her 2 frieinds.





Update

Sandy cat is doing well!  I took him to the Vet about 2 weeks ago and had some labwork rechecked.  His thyroid function is completely within normal limits - AND his liver and kidney functions are too!!

His recovery was fairly uneventful here at home.  I was told to keep him interested in eating by giving him the 'crappy junk food' cans...he ate them - but that also resulted in blow out diarrhea for about 3 weeks.  Not so fun.

In addition to his chemistries and Thyroid function - he had gained ONE FULL POUND too!  My skinny cat is slowly gaining more weight.  I take him back for another recheck in December.

Cola is also doing ok.  I have the vet comming over on November 15th for another recheck.  I am not doing labwork - she's just going to check Cola's quality of life - and give us a refill of pain meds for her hind legs.  They're starting to give out on her and she's taken a few stumbles.  My poor old girl.

Work is going ok.  Our Clinical Department has grown by leaps and bounds lately.  There are now 6 of us.  We moved last week to another location - just across the parking lot from the main office.  I am going to Montréal next week for a couple of days for my first Monitoring Visit.  I'm pretty stoked - I hope I learn a lot.

I went to Vancouver last month for Thanksgiving weekend.  It was fun to surprise everyone.  I got some good quality time with my mom and Rick.  It was perfect.  I don't know when I'll be going back - I have another long weekend coming up this month - November 25'ish for American Thanksgiving; but I'm really trying to save my money for myself.

I tried to trade my truck in last week - but I am upside down in the finances there.  They would give me $14,000 for it - but I owe $18,000.  Super bummed about that.  I want something less expensive to drive - something that doesn't cost me $600/month, (that includes gas).